{"id":939,"date":"2018-05-20T14:38:35","date_gmt":"2018-05-20T14:38:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.serazat.com\/?p=939"},"modified":"2018-05-20T14:38:35","modified_gmt":"2018-05-20T14:38:35","slug":"mukemmeliyet","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.necipyildirim.com\/tr\/mukemmeliyet\/","title":{"rendered":"M\u00fckemmeliyet"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Uzaya f\u0131rlat\u0131lm\u0131\u015f gibiydi. Yer \u00e7ekiminin olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131, kesintisiz karanl\u0131klar i\u00e7inde. Y\u0131ld\u0131zlardan \u00e7ok uzaklarda. Bir damla g\u00f6zya\u015f\u0131 vard\u0131 g\u00f6z \u00e7ukurunda kaynayan. Bir ukde d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmlenmi\u015fti bo\u011faz\u0131nda:<\/p>\n

\u201cM\u00fckemmel olmak isterken, hi\u00e7bir \u015fey olamad\u0131m. Merak\u0131m s\u0131n\u0131r tan\u0131mad\u0131. Bir sahayla s\u0131n\u0131rl\u0131 kalamad\u0131m. Dikkatimi celbeden her sahada kahraman olmak istedim. B\u00fct\u00fcn ufuklar\u0131 fethetmek, kaleleri y\u0131kmak ve \u015fehirleri esir almak\u2026\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ge\u00e7 mi kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131, daha erken miydi, tam zaman\u0131 m\u0131yd\u0131; fark edememi\u015fti. Fakat hayat\u0131n hi\u00e7 \u015fakas\u0131 yoktu. Zaman, \u00f6mr\u00fcn\u00fc keskin bir k\u0131l\u0131\u00e7 misali kesip bi\u00e7iyordu. Hakikat ac\u0131mas\u0131zd\u0131: Sert ve kaskat\u0131. Emeller sonsuz, heves sab\u0131rs\u0131zd\u0131r. H\u0131rs k\u00f6lele\u015ftirir; ya kendinize, ya da bir ba\u015fkas\u0131na. O da bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc hayat cenderesinden kurtaramam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 kendini:<\/p>\n

\u201cHeyecanla ba\u015flan\u0131p yar\u0131m kalan hayaller y\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131yd\u0131m. Ba\u015faramam\u0131\u015fl\u0131k de\u011fil. Nas\u0131l olsa ba\u015far\u0131laca\u011f\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcl\u00fcp yeni heyecanlara kement atma. Ba\u015flang\u0131c\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm \u015feyin sonunu kafamda bitirdim. Doymak bilmeyen i\u015ftah. El att\u0131\u011f\u0131m her i\u015f d\u00fcnyada g\u00f6r\u00fclmemi\u015f m\u00fckemmeliyette olmal\u0131yd\u0131. Ya hep ya hi\u00e7 olmal\u0131yd\u0131. Hemen ger\u00e7ekle\u015fmeliydi. Yoksa s\u0131k\u0131yordu.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

M\u00e2n\u00e2 veremiyordu. Asl\u0131nda b\u00f6yle olmamal\u0131yd\u0131. Netice, \u201chi\u00e7\u201d olamazd\u0131. Bir stadyumun tam ortas\u0131ndayd\u0131. En g\u00fczel n\u00fcmayi\u015flerini icr\u00e2 ediyordu ve stadyumu t\u0131kl\u0131m t\u0131kl\u0131m dolduranlar onu hi\u00e7 g\u00f6rm\u00fcyorlard\u0131. Yanl\u0131\u015f bir yerde oldu\u011funu hissediyordu. Hatta emindi bundan. Yok, yok! B\u00f6yle olamazd\u0131. Bu \u015fekilde bitmesini bekleyemezdi \u00f6mr\u00fcn\u00fcn son bulmas\u0131n\u0131. \u201cRessamlar, \u015fairler, yazarlar, kahramanlar, \u015fampiyonlar, liderler, kumandanlar\u2026! Sizden biriyim. Sesimi duyuyor musunuz\u201d diyor ve ekliyordu:<\/p>\n

\u201cHer biri ayr\u0131 birer insan\u0131n yeg\u00e2ne u\u011fra\u015f\u0131 olmas\u0131 gereken bir \u00e7ok i\u015fi ayn\u0131 anda yapmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Hem de m\u00fckemmel \u015fekilde. O kadar zorlad\u0131m ki zavall\u0131 potansiyelimi; harcan\u0131p harap oldu. Aynaya bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda, \u015fa\u015f\u0131r\u0131yorum. Bu gen\u00e7 y\u00fczl\u00fc adam ben miyim diyorum. Halbuki, y\u00fcklenmekten ve yorgunluktan harabeye d\u00f6nm\u00fc\u015f hissediyorum. Omuzumu alt\u0131na sokup y\u00fcklendi\u011fim a\u011f\u0131r hedeflerden \u00e2z\u00e2de olarak doya doya g\u00fclemedim. Mesuliyetlerden giydi\u011fim ate\u015ften g\u00f6mle\u011fi \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131p umars\u0131zca uzanamad\u0131m alt\u0131n kumsallara.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u0130\u00e7indeki potansiyelin b\u00fcy\u00fckl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnden o kadar emini ki; ortaya \u00e7\u0131karma ihtiyac\u0131n\u0131 bile hissetmemi\u015fti. \u201cNas\u0131l olsa\u2026\u201d demi\u015f ve hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yapmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. H\u00e2lbuki alt\u0131n ate\u015fle, demir balyozla \u015fekil al\u0131yordu. \u0130nsan; yanmadan ermiyordu. Potansiyele yaslanmak ve \u201cNas\u0131l olsa\u2026\u201d rahatl\u0131\u011f\u0131na kap\u0131lmak katmer katmer tembellik \u00f6rtm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc \u00fczerine. A\u011f\u0131rla\u015ft\u0131rm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Hantalla\u015ft\u0131rm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. B\u00f6ylece, maden cevheri da\u011f\u0131n kalbinde \u00f6ylece kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Fark edilmemi\u015f, i\u015flenmemi\u015fti:<\/p>\n

\u201cVan Goh olmal\u0131yd\u0131m. Fatih\u2019i g\u00f6lgede b\u0131rakacakt\u0131m. Kitaplar\u0131m d\u00fcnya klasiklerine eklenmeliydi. Hitabetim co\u015fturmal\u0131, siyasetim kayna\u015ft\u0131rmal\u0131yd\u0131. D\u00fcnyada ya\u015fayanlar\u0131n y\u00fczde yetmi\u015fi ile ana dilinde konu\u015fmal\u0131yd\u0131m\u2026\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Varmak i\u00e7in ayr\u0131lmak gerekirdi. Ayr\u0131lmak, yani kendinden hicret etmek. Yanmadan ayd\u0131nlanmak m\u00fcmk\u00fcn olmazd\u0131. Mum ayd\u0131nlat\u0131rken, erimiyor muydu? B\u00fct\u00fcn bu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceler beyninde kanatlan\u0131rken, i\u015finin her ge\u00e7en g\u00fcn zorla\u015fmakta oldu\u011fu fikri onu daha da bunalt\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n

\u201cNe oldu? G\u00f6zlerimin yumurtas\u0131 kaynad\u0131. Omuzlar\u0131m kire\u00e7lendi. Kafamda a\u011fr\u0131lar patl\u0131yor. Fakirlerin a\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131 uykumu, zenginlerin umursamazl\u0131\u011f\u0131 keyfimi ka\u00e7\u0131rd\u0131. Birlik olamayan T\u00fcrk \u00e2lemine mi yanay\u0131m, t\u00fcrl\u00fc hatalar\u0131yla par\u00e7alan\u0131p yem olan \u0130slam d\u00fcnyas\u0131na m\u0131? Yetmi\u015finde i\u015f\u00e7ilik yapan babam\u0131 m\u0131, imkans\u0131zl\u0131klar k\u0131skac\u0131ndaki karde\u015flerimi mi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcneyim? B\u00fct\u00fcn bunlardan kendisine s\u0131ra gelmeyen, bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131 vicdan azab\u0131 gibi saplanan e\u015fim ve y\u00fczlerindeki masum, mahrum ve ma\u011fdur ifadeyle i\u00e7imi burkan \u00e7ocuklar\u0131m. D\u0131\u015f\u0131mdaki bu dertlere bir de i\u00e7imdekiler eklenirse\u2026\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Buyurun m\u00fckemmeliyet sofras\u0131na. \u0130nsan noksanl\u0131k demektir. Acz ve mahrumiyet. Sahip oldu\u011fumuz b\u00fct\u00fcn alet ve esbab\u0131 toplasan\u0131z, be\u015f tane his organ\u0131. Hepsi bu kadar\u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cZinhar! Be\u015f his organ\u0131 diye h\u00f6r g\u00f6rmeyesiniz! Hakikat n\u00e2m\u0131na neye kavu\u015ftuysak, bu be\u015f his organ\u0131 sayesinde kavu\u015fmad\u0131k m\u0131? Mesele sadece bu be\u015f his organ\u0131 olsa, hayvanlar kadar huzurlu olurdum. S\u0131rt\u0131mdaki esir k\u0131rbac\u0131 \u2018\u015fuur\u2019 oldu. Be\u015f his; \u015fuura su ta\u015f\u0131yan \u0131rgat.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

M\u00fckemmeliyet\u00e7ilik bir tanr\u0131la\u015fma sendromu, firavunla\u015fma hastal\u0131\u011f\u0131 de\u011fil miydi?<\/p>\n

\u201cElden ne gelir, \u015fuur m\u00fckemmel. Sonsuzluk ve \u0130lahla\u015fma arzusu her insanda mevcut. Ger\u00e7ekten \u00f6lece\u011fini bilseydi, kimse yerinden k\u0131p\u0131rdamazd\u0131. B\u00fct\u00fcn sanat eserleri ya sonsuzla\u015fmay\u0131 hayk\u0131r\u0131yor ya da sonsuzu: \u0130lahla\u015fmay\u0131 veya \u0130lah\u2019\u0131. Mesele tercihte. Mahdudiyetten eser mi do\u011far! M\u00fckemmeliyeti doksan dokuz isim ancak ifade edebilmi\u015f.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Peki nas\u0131l nihayet buldu bu \u0131zd\u0131raplar?<\/p>\n

\u201cVe birden bir kap\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131. Kap\u0131n\u0131n \u00fczerinde \u015f\u00f6yle yaz\u0131yordu: Kelimeler! O g\u00fcnden sonra; kendimi eritip kelimelere d\u00f6kmeye karar verdim. Kelimeler\u2026 yani \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131k, n\u00e2ra, yakar\u0131\u015f, tokat, cell\u00e2t, \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck, adalet\u2026 ve a\u015fk!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ne istiyorsunuz?<\/p>\n

\u201cHav\u00e2r\u00eeler olmasa H\u0131ristiyanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 bilen olmazd\u0131<\/strong>. Eshab-\u0131 Kiram olmasa iki cihan g\u00fcne\u015fini hat\u0131rlayan kalmazd\u0131. Beni anlayan dostlar diliyorum. \u2018Anam-babam, iki g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u2026 sana feda olsun\u2019 diyebilece\u011fim dostlar.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

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Bu duaya, yakar\u0131\u015flar\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131ks\u0131z b\u0131rakmayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 el-Muc\u00eeb ismiyle m\u00fcjdeleyen ad\u0131yla i\u015ftirak ediyoruz.\u00a0Bebek anas\u0131z, cenaze cemaatsiz, d\u00e2v\u00e2 bayraks\u0131z olmaz<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

——-<\/p>\n

Ser\u00e2z\u00e2t.com’da; sadece Necip YILDIRIM’\u0131n \u015fiir ve makaleleri yer almaktad\u0131r. B\u00fct\u00fcn haklar\u0131 sakl\u0131d\u0131r. \u0130zinsiz kopyalanamaz ve ne\u015fredilemez.<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Uzaya f\u0131rlat\u0131lm\u0131\u015f gibiydi. Yer \u00e7ekiminin olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131, kesintisiz karanl\u0131klar i\u00e7inde. Y\u0131ld\u0131zlardan \u00e7ok uzaklarda. Bir damla g\u00f6zya\u015f\u0131 vard\u0131 g\u00f6z \u00e7ukurunda kaynayan. Bir<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1447,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-939","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-deneme-yazilari-ahmed-necip-yildirim-denemeler"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.necipyildirim.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/939","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.necipyildirim.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.necipyildirim.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.necipyildirim.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.necipyildirim.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=939"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.necipyildirim.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/939\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.necipyildirim.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1447"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.necipyildirim.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=939"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.necipyildirim.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=939"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.necipyildirim.com\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=939"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}